Trying to be something I'm not is becoming quite taxing. I'm not the healthy college senior excited for graduation, but stressed about finals in the next few weeks. I'm the sick girl who has missed more school this semester than any other semester she's been in school, who is so behind she's not sure if she can get caught up. I'm the girl who is too sore and depressed to try to get up out of bed at a decent time most days. I'm unfortunately lately a great example of what it's like to try to live your life with a chronic illness like lupus (and sjogrens, myositis, vasculitis, fibro, tachycardia, and lung disease).
Doing anything is hard.
I'm so behind in school. Writing this is fairly easy, but trying to sit and gather the mental strength to read research and then write about it is very difficult right now. A lot of chronic illnesses cause "brain fog" where keeping yourself focused and such is damn near impossible sometimes. I forget what I'm reading a lot lately, even stuff that I'm genuinely interested in. When I start to feel overwhelmed by it, it gets even worse. I'm worried about getting the grades I need this semester. I used to be so concerned with getting all good grades, and I realized I unfortunately can't get the grades I know I'm capable of most of the time now. It makes you feel kind of bad about yourself when you're going through life with a bare minimum attitude, but when it's the best you can muster you just have to suck it up. The fact tomorrow may bring about certain chaos and stress because of a situation right now is also not helping matters at all. I suppose if that goes badly I'll update you about that.
Peace out.